If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
