and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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