I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
