we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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