i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
