You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
