fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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