worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
