Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
