Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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