id be glad to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
where are my pants?
in the oven.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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