the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
