he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
