can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think my mom watched the whole time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
