it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize