dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
