It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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