I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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