How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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