Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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