not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
