I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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