Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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