wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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