You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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