You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize