i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
