dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
