I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
