We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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