He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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