Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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