The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
