One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
