Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
