Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
