oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
