accomplished twins. life is a go
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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