Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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