Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
