sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
