In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
