Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
