Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
