everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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