this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
