Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
