Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize