he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize