By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
