Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
