Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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