Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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