do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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