I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize