I didn't shave. On purpose
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
