Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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