Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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