Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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