That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
