I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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