I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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