oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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