Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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