I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
