But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
