i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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