Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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