he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
