The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
